I'm living a nightmare

[Grayshadow]

[I hear voices in my head
They counsel me
They understand
They talk to me]

'You...are...nothing. You....pathetic excuse...for a deputy..." Visions accompanied the voices. One with him being on top of an unknown warrior with blood on his paws. Muscles twitched beneath the spotted pelt as he tossed and turned in his sleep. "What was Hailstorm thinking?" Breathing became labored as the voices taunted him even further. Another vision, this time Hailstorm looking at him with something he never had seen before in her eyes. "Maybe...you could prove yourself to her and RiverClan...just maybe..." Dream Tigerfrost whipped around, looking for the source of the voices. Why were they doing this to him? Was it Sta..."NO IT'S NOT STARCLAN, YOU FOOL!" Tigerfrost nearly flinched at the loud voice that snarled near him. "Maybe if you took a few steps forward..."

[I have a voice that is my savior
Hates to love and loves to hate]

The RiverClan deputy stride several tail lengths and stopped. "Now what?" he growled softly. The snarling voices eased into a warm almost evil purr..."Look into the river..." The red Bengal obliged. "The voices are you. We are you." As he gazed into the water, everything they said made his muzzle move. He leaped backwards and turned to run...the last thing he heard was..."You cannot get rid of us, Tigerfrost...we are you.."


[They tell me things that I will do
They show me things I'll do to you]

Tigerfrost woke with a sudden jolt and leaped to his paws. He was in the middle of the warrior den with several of his Clanmates around him. The deputy swiftly made his way out of the den before breaking into a full sprint. "You can't escape your own mind, Tigerfrost..." He shook his head, this couldn't be happening. He was awake for StarClan's sake! A vision swept over him, his voices purring with glee. The vision showed him towering over three of the four leaders...Hailstorm was behind him with disgust and horror in her eyes. "You could be one of the all time greats, Tigerfrost. You just have to listen to us." The RiverClanner lashed his head from side to side, hoping for the voices to shut up. "Those visions could become a reality. Just think..."


He reached the creek that bordered his Clan and ThunderClan. The tom flopped on his side with a heavy sigh. His voices were quiet for the time being as he starred across the border...maybe a ThunderClanner would appear and he could sink his fangs deep into their throat...the hot blood...Tigerfrost's green eyes dilated as he thought of the tangy taste...No. This wasn't him. What was wrong with him?

[I taste blood that's drying
I feel tension rising]

[|{/Bloodrose\}|]

Sleepless nights. Such was the definition of her life these days. The brief glimpses of unconsciousness that did grace her were torn apart by horrid nightmares. So much so that she felt less exhausted when she didn't sleep at all. The past night had been no different. She'd been hesitant to retire to her den, and had sat outside her den, gaze turned towards the sky for far too long. When the time had come that she figured she should at least make it look as though she'd slept, Hailstorm had stalked into the darkness that encompassed her den. Her den. Something that should have been a sort of safe haven to the leader. Others had to ask her permission before entering. How twisted was it when she didn't want to walk in there in the first place? All that was there for her was terror and exhaustion. And that was exactly what had been waiting for her that night. When she had finally drifted off into a state of 'sleep', she'd seen the great brown tabby perish, she'd felt the crushing blame and seen it in his amber eyes as the light faded from them forever. Her wakeup call couldn't have come soon enough. Near tears and unable to breathe, clawing her way out of the remnants of her nest, the dark gray she-cat had felt paralyzed. Now the she-cat was padding along a snaking river of water that separated her Clan's territory from ThunderClan's. She'd gone out today to give the impression that she was doing something. She couldn't allow her Clan to see her in such disarray. She didn't want anyone to worry about her, or know... Know about how weak she truly was. She couldn't even sleep properly. Why in the name of the River was she leading a whole Clan? The last thing she wanted was to make RiverClan appear weak. Then why are you still leading it? With a sharp shake of her head, an attempt to clear it, she continued her clumsy paw steps along the river's bank. The RiverClan leader was in the midst of contemplating why she was walking the length of this path, so close to ThunderClan territory, where she might be spotted by ThunderClan cats. Surely they would question her appearance. She was making no attempt at holding her head or tail up. Every step appeared to be an impossible action. She wasn't herself. So why was she taking such a big risk in walking the river? I have no idea. I don't know anything anymore. I... I should step down. She probably would have continued on her dark train of thought had it not been for the surprisingly long blade of grass that stretched up just high enough to catch her completely off guard and swipe her nose. It was such a bizarre feeling, and perhaps the last thing she had expected to happen. So much so that the tickling sensation caused the RiverClan leader's nose to twitch. At first, it was a single twitch. But soon it was joined by another until.... "Hk-chpfft!" The sneeze was so violent and so surprising to the gray she-cat that she had had no time to stifle it, nor was she prepared for how off balance it would make her. Had she not been distracted, she might have noticed Tigerfrost earlier. As it was, she was a little busy. ...Staggering face first into the cold water of the river. Her head broke the surface moments later as she fought her way up. Her forepaws slashed clumsily at the pooling water, until Hailstorm seemed to remember she could swim. Slowly, as the icy river temporarily drove her exhaustion away, the RiverClan figurehead was able to churn her paws in a strong motion, propelling herself back towards the river bank she'd just fallen from. Clawing her way out of the frigid water was a little harder than the actual swimming part, but eventually she was able to haul her sodden body over the bank. Panting lightly, she was about to let herself collapse on the river's bank, until a familiar red bengal figure caught her eye. Even though she was soaked through and through, Hailstorm forced herself to straighten, snagging whatever pride and dignity she could muster up to face him with sharp, pale green eyes. "Tigerfrost..? Are you alright?" I've been believing in something so distant, As if I was human. And I've been denying this feeling Of hopelessness in me, in me. All the promises I made, just to let you down. You believed in me but I'm Broken. I have nothing left. And all I feel is this cruel wanting. We've been falling for all this time. And now, I'm Lost in Paradise.

[Grayshadow]

Ears strained forward to focus on the flowing of the river, hoping to drain the voices out or even dull them somewhat. The tom sighed inwardly as the ambient noise help him focus on calming down and listen to something other than the evil, negative ramblings of the voices in his increasingly insane mind. Pale green orbs darkened as visions suddenly clouded his peaceful sanctuary, one being him holding a ThunderClan warrior under the blueish-brown liquid, until the bubbles stopped as well as the warrior’s movements. Then other took ahold. Hailstorm splashing and spluttering, almost seemingly like she was drowning, no this wasn't a vision. The RiverClan leader was actually in front of him, drenched from her...erm..Dip in the river.

He slid up into a sitting position as she locked her own light jade eyes on his unusually forest green hues, gathering up her dignity and bearings. Tigerfrost expected her to ask him what he was doing out here or didn't he have some patrols to organize, something to that to effect but she caught him off-guard. "Tigerfrost..? Are you alright?" he cocked his head sideways in confusion. Did he really look that bad or troubled? Surely not. "Well I have yet to stumble into the river like I was sleep-walking yet this evening so I think I'm alright." Normally the deputy would have brushed something like that off seeing as he himself hated to be embarrassed.

He glanced back into the female's eyes and saw concern and something rather off deep in her gaze which baffled the male even further. Were they both dealing with secret ailments? After holding her gaze awhile, he went back to staring into the river's deep depths, noting the fish lurking, praying for another day to keep swimming in their home. Simple creatures. He debated asking if she, herself was ok. 'What are you waiting for?' the voices grew louder. Oh no….not now of all times.

'Kill. Destory....her....no one would expect you...RiverClan's loyal deputy.' Tigerfrost bit his tongue in panic wondering if Hailstorm could hear the voices until he realized that was pretty much impossible. 'She hates you. She regrets choosing you as her second in command. She thinks you're weak.' he glanced at her with no emotion in his stare. In all honesty, the massive Bengal had no desire to kill or hurt his leader but it was becoming tempting as the voices pressed and purred how easy it would be. Rapid images flashed through his brain…’How bad do you want it? As bad as those kits that should have been yours? Or as bad as you wanted your brother’s blood?’

Claws scored the earth lightly as he heaved himself to his paws, his brother and his former flame burning deep in his cranium. Her panicked look... Padding to the river, he closed his eyes to listen to the rushing water slam into rocks, the shore, basically anything it could touch. 'Jump. Do it. What else are you good for?' Another image of red hot liquid on his paws seared through his mind. The RiverClan deputy almost growled with frustration, silently pleading for Hailstorm to strike up a conversation or something. 'Say something. Do something. Anything...’


[I hear voices crying
I see heroes dying
I taste blood that's drying
I feel tension rising]

[|{/Bloodrose\}|]

Something akin to anger flared deep within the RiverClan leader's belly. Her embarrassment only brought her temper closer to the surfaces, meaning that Tigerfrost's words were nearly enough to shove her straight off the edge. Within seconds, however, her anger was redirected, aimed blindly at herself. How could I have been so stupid? Stumbling face first into the water? What am I, some pathetic kit? She asked herself, her breath hissing from her in a silent stream of air. Her dark gray ears were tipped backwards slightly, a clear sign that she was not thrilled with the events that had occurred. It wasn't enough that she'd done something so stupid. No, someone just had to be there to see it too. With a barely audible sigh, Hailstorm let her haunches fall to the ground, taking a seat a few paces from where Tigerfrost had been lying. Her back was to the river, her pale green gaze focused on the reeds that encircled them, the reeds that protected RiverClan's camp. "Fair point well made..." She answered, responding to his previous statement about having not fallen into the river. She couldn't help but think of how hilariously wrong he'd been. He'd stated sleep-walking as the culprit for such a childish mistake, when in fact the root cause of it all had been walking with a lack of sleep. How was he supposed to know? Not a soul knew of her constant sleepless nights. If anyone ever noticed her tired green eyes, or the slight silvering of her fur near her muzzle, they always attributed it to the stress endured by a leader. Surely it was simply more noticeable against her dark fur. Not one cat stopped to think that perhaps there was something else ailing her. Why would they? It was very rare that anyone ever got close enough to her to see the exhaustion in her gaze. This of course was due to the fact she had a tendency to keep others at a distance. What other choice did she have? If she let anyone in... They'd be taken from her. She wouldn't be able to handle another devastating blow to her heart. She was barely holding on as it was. There was a moment... A brief window where everything was visible. Her eyes were glazed, no longer seeing what was in front of her, but rather what was in her mind. There was nothing to hide behind in that moment, her pain, her exhaustion exposed for a heartbeat. But then the shutters came down, snapping into place. Her wistful stare turned harsh once more as her conscious took over again. Her ears pricked forward, pale eyes blinking in confusion for a moment. What was she doing here... It wasn't until Tigerfrost's scent drifted past her nose that she remembered her unexpected bath. With a slight twitch of her lip, teeth bared in anger for an instant, Hailstorm straightened herself, glancing over her shoulder to where Tigerfrost now stood. Sometime during her reverie, the RiverClan deputy had moved. She slowly rose to her paws, padding to the edge of the river some tail-lengths away from Tigerfrost. Her coat was already beginning to dry, its slick, RiverClan characteristics giving her an advantage in that moment. She stopped at the river's bank, pale eyes gazing down at the tumultuous water as it roiled on by. She watched the fish swim below, almost completely unaware of the predator looking down upon them. Instinctively, the dark gray she-cat sunk into a proper hunting pose, one paw extended slightly over the water. Her shadow was falling at a perfect angle, leaving the fish with a false sense of security. She waited, barely breathing for the perfect moment to strike. She was barely aware of her body, almost as though she were a third party observing from afar. Her paws didn't feel like her paws... She didn't feel... Connected with the dark gray body she was supposed to inhabit. Her vision blurred slightly, forcing her to blink quickly to try to accommodate it. Before she could process what was happening, a flash of silver scales caused her to strike out rapidly. Within heartbeats, the body of a fish was sent hurtling into the air, flipping in a vain attempt to overcome the momentum instilled in it by the RiverClan leader's white paw. Hailstorm was a precise hunter, this was a well-known fact. Everything she did while hunting was deliberate, calculated. She rarely missed a kill, putting everything she had into ensuring she brought home something for the Clan. For such an accurate hunter, how could she possibly send a fish hurtling so off-course that it gave Tigerfrost a good thwack on the shoulder before falling to the ground wriggling about pathetically? RiverClan's leader froze, wide eyed, and paw still hanging over the water. She couldn't even begin to think of what to say. She'd just smacked her deputy with a silver scaled fish! Giving herself a mental shake and shutting her gaping jaw, Hailstorm turned her attention back to the water, buying time to find her voice. As she settled into another hunting position, her eyes seeming bored in their half lidded state, the dark gray she-cat spoke as impassively as she could. "Just... Checking to see you're still focused." I've been believing in something so distant, As if I was human. And I've been denying this feeling Of hopelessness in me, in me. All the promises I made, just to let you down. You believed in me but I'm Broken. I have nothing left. And all I feel is this cruel wanting. We've been falling for all this time. And now, I'm Lost in Paradise.

[Grayshadow]

Eyes missed the leader’s blank stare, out of body experience, but looked up in time to see anger flash across her face for a scarce moment. Probably either at something he said or at herself for being so out of it. He didn’t really want to question her about it. She’d probably would have said something if it was him but who really knew but her. Tail tip quivered as she crouched by the river near by him, engrossed in the fish swimming below. He admired the way she looked so intense and the way her body looked as she coiled near the water. Before Tigerfrost knew it, her paw lashed out into the depths of the river, yanking out a fish which promptly flew right at him…smacking the deputy directly in the shoulder.

Well you wanted something to distract you…the sleek RiverClan deputy stared at the flopping fish for a long minute before finishing it off with a powerful slap of his massive paw. Hailstorm’s words echoed in his mind over and over. Checking to see if he was focused? Focused on what? Deciding to readjust his sitting position, he shifted to have the leader in his eyesight. Something wasn’t quite right here and he was going to try to figure out what it was exactly. Hopefully it would keep the voices from growling in his mind. Jade green eyes scanned the leader bravely trying to decipher the female’s body language, which was a challenge in itself since she carried herself with pride. Deciding to try a different approach with slight hesitation, the Bengal male scooted a mouse length closer.

His breath caught deep in his throat as he decided to flick his tail to her face, gently pushing her head towards him so the tom could look deep into her eyes. Before he could look into the leader’s pale green eyes, he gazed at her face with worry crossing his face. He had never noticed the lighting of the fur by her muzzle until now. Ears flattened slightly as he forced to meet her gaze, hoping Hailstorm wouldn’t notice his own dark haunting gaze or that she would smack him in the face with her paw for being so bold to touch her. His tail lingered near her face briefly before he took three pawsteps backwards to give the gray and white female leader her personal space back.

“Hailstorm…there’s something wrong…seriously wrong. What’s going on?” his voice lowered into a husky growl but not with anger, just concern. Would she confide in him? Or just ignore his question? Voices whispered suddenly in the back of his mind, leering at the prospects with glee. ‘She can’t handle being RiverClan’s leader. She’s losing it. She’s not as strong as she once was. Now’s OUR chance.’ Tigerfrost’s eyes widened with an unknown feeling, letting the voices wash over him. A shiver past through his body as he imagined leading the Clan to gatherings and calling Clan meetings to order. But as the red Bengal locked eyes with her again, he felt something so foreign. Compassion? Sadness? Pity? Lust? He shook his pelt as if trying to rid his pelt of fleas.

No he couldn’t allow himself. Besides, she was a leader as he was a deputy. ‘And who would want to be with a screwed up tom like you?’ the voices jeered once more. Tigerfrost’s powerful shoulders sagged ever so much as he pushed away the emotions swimming inside him with an inward shake. No one but him would ever know anyway. He gazed at the swirling stream, depression slowly snaking its way into his glowing emerald orbs. The voices were starting to win.


[I hear voices crying
I see heroes dying
I taste blood that's drying
I feel tension rising]

[|{/Bloodrose\}|]

Her whole body was tense as she all but glared into the water. She could feel his gaze burning into her pelt, and she could only hope that he would choose to ignore her odd behaviour, and focus himself with something else, like hunting for example. Holding her breath, her gray fur bristling slightly, Hailstorm was suddenly hyperaware of what was going on around her. She could feel the liveliness of the fish dancing below the surface. She could feel Tigerfrost's eyes watching her. And she could feel the lack of life from the fish she'd just thrown at Tigerfrost on accident. Begging herself to uphold her air of pride and strength, the dark gray RiverClan leader forced herself to actually focus on hunting. Her raised paw was once more ready to strike, pale gray-green eyes staring into the river below, waiting for that tell-tale flash of silver scales. She could still feel Tigerfrost examining her, but she began to feel more and more confident that he wouldn't find anything in her body language. Nothing except the usual elements with which she carried herself. She was just about ready to strike, one of the fish darting closer to the surface, when something startled them. A shadow crossed her line of sight, causing the fish to scatter away from her hunting spot. Blinking in slight alarm, Hailstorm was moments away from looking up, rather crossly, to see who it was that had disturbed her hunt. Before she could move, however, the softest of touches originated beneath her chin, pulling her attention away from the water. She was suddenly left staring wide-eyed at Tigerfrost, her body frozen, unable to react to what had just happened. It had been moons since anyone had been in such close proximity to her before. Not since Hawkwing... Moments before their eyes locked, she saw the way he glanced at her muzzle. She felt as well as saw the worry that washed over him as he caught sight of that silver fur which she knew resided on her muzzle. Just as his ears tipped sideways, her own dark colored ears tipped back. And then pale green met deep jade as leader and deputy locked gazes, the world seeming to grind to a halt for a fleeting moment. As she stared back at him, a part of her was surprised to see the look that haunted his gaze, as though he had his own ghosts plaguing him, just as she had hers. For a moment, he lingered nearby, causing Hailstorm's dark fur to prick slightly. It was bizarre, the way he could make her pelt prickle with something that couldn't quite be labelled unease when he stood in such close proximity, his tail hovering so near her face. When he stepped back, the RiverClan leader looked away, almost as though she were trying to hide her face from him, worried at what he might find there. She felt as though her deputy had just gazed into the very pit of her soul, leaving her helpless and vulnerable. His words caused her to stiffen visibly, the fur along the back of her neck sticking up suddenly, pale green eyes hardening once more. Her sense of dignity and pride seemed to be returned to her in a sudden wave, brought forth by his simple question. Within moments, the vulnerable she-cat was locked back into her protective outer shell, one that radiated a cool, sharp aura. With a snort, she rose to her paws, moving a few paw steps away, into a different hunting spot since hers had been disturbed. Momentarily fixing him with a hard stare, she replied simply. "I could ask the same of you. You look as though you haven't slept properly in days." The heavy feeling of hypocrisy was upon her shoulders as she spoke, scolding her deputy for lack of sleep when she hadn't had a decent sleep since the leader before her had passed away moons before. Still, she continued on, her cold voice impassive. "But if you really must know, I am simply concerned with RiverClan's well-being in the coming future. Clan relations are frailer than they've been in moons. We must be prepared to defend RiverClan at all costs." Not exactly certain where she had managed to pull that from, the RiverClan leader was just glad that what had left her mouth had been clear, and logical. Perhaps this would throw him off of her course? Though... What had been with that haunted look in her deputy's eye..? I've been believing in something so distant, As if I was human. And I've been denying this feeling Of hopelessness in me, in me. All the promises I made, just to let you down. You believed in me but I'm Broken. I have nothing left. And all I feel is this cruel wanting. We've been falling for all this time. And now, I'm Lost in Paradise.

[Grayshadow]

Tense was the body of the deputy as he took a few more pawsteps back to gaze into the murky depths of the river. Something wasn't right with Hailstorm and besides the lack of sleep that seemed extremely obvious...he couldn't be sure what else was wrong with the female leader. It wasn't just stress of protecting RiverClan. That was for certain. He just couldn't shake the feeling he got when they had locked green gazes. 'Tigerfrost, stop acting like a kit or worse, a love crazed fool. Hailstorm could never love you anyhow. Dreams are just that...dreams. Never to come to fruition.'

Voices haunted his mind viciously as well as endlessly. Tigerfrost blinked momentarily as he looked at Hailstorm gather herself back together. Hard, cold, and dignified. She turned her harsh gaze at him once again and spoke with frost in her voice. "I could ask the same of you. You look as though you haven't slept properly in days." Whiskers twitched with suppressed amusement as she continued. "But if you really must know, I am simply concerned with RiverClan's well-being in the coming future. Clan relations are frailer than they've been in moons. We must be prepared to defend RiverClan at all costs."

"But Hailstorm, there's a fine line between lack of sleep and nightmares influencing your lack of sleep." the red bengal tom closed his haunted eyes for a brief moment. "RiverClan is strong as always. They have a wise and strong leader to ensure their safety," The voices sneered at his words, mocking him for them. 'Oh for Dark Forest's sake, shut your muzzle. Hailstorm's lack of focus is obvious...she hit you with a fish! Some strong and wise leader if she can't even focus on the simplest of tasks!'

Tigerfrost snarled with frustration, "How can I trust you as a leader when you can't even trust to tell me what's wrong? I'm not some timid kit, Hailstorm! I'm here as your second in command as well as your friend." As the words left his muzzle, he had unknowingly taken several steps forward until he was a mouse length away from the gray and white she-cat. His heart raced with adrenaline and slight nervousness at the sheer closeness. How did he get near her so quick? Could he hurt her without even realizing it? The haunted look creeped deeper into his eyes, pale green orbs growing darker. He stared at his leader, waiting for her response.



[I hear voices crying
I see heroes dying
I taste blood that's drying
I feel tension rising]

[Grayshadow]

-pokes Blood- We should either start a new thread like we talked about or finish this one. I miss Hail and Tiger