&&.Please.forgive.me.{Sleither}

[Shimmerz*]

x.and you know the pain that brought you here today.x
so what can you do; and you know the tears
x.for losing those you love when yesterday is gone.x

Azure gaze stared blankly out of the elder's den. It had been so long since his lover and his best friend had departed moons upon moons back. At this point there was hardly a cat that even recalled their existence let alone all that happened lifetimes ago, and though he'd allowed himself to mourn many, many moons beyond the norm, that time was drawing to a close as this recent leafbare was beginning to recede. He was hardly a new cat, mind you, if anything quite the opposite. The silvery tom was old, archaic even. His legs, which used to breeze him through WindClan territory with ease, had long since begun to betray him. With this incredible age, though, had come great wisdom. In the past he'd become petrified of reaching out to others, horrified that he might experience the same pain of the past. Over the years that terror had given way to acceptance, and that acceptance had given way to stoicism.

To say he was unaffected was hyperbole, but he'd learned to hide it. He was still broken a bit on the inside; still, it was nothing more than the wear and tear of warriorhood. In the past few moons, he'd lost many friends to disease and hunger, yet he was hardly impacted. Just more death, just a little more pain, nothing unusual for the cats of the forest. Nothing unusual for life in general. Things changed. Cats died. Trying to stop that natural change would achieve nothing.

He'd been a kittypet once, and what little he remembered of that life was dull, surely comfortable but not much more. In WindClan he'd never felt more alive, more true to himself. He'd grown so much in his time here. No longer a naive, innocent feline; he knew his way around the forest though at his age now he rarely ventured out. Other elders tried to exercise more to cope with the lack of physical activity, but he preferred to lay back and think. His fighting days were long behind him, if anything it was like when he was a kittypet again except that the comfortable lifestyle was not dull. He had so many other cats to talk to if he so chose, so many scents to smell, so many birdsongs to listen to. This life had not chosen him, he had chosen it.

He glanced towards the apprentice's den. It had been such a long time. He sighed to himself. Perhaps neither of his apprentices had been particularly happy with him, but he cared for them both nonetheless. They were truly the future of the clan, well were. Supremacypaw had vanished such a long time ago, and, as for Stormpaw, he'd faded out a long time ago. What happened with him he was unsure.

The elder shook his head. He hated when he was unsure. He'd seen it before, a cat in full charge of his mind grow more and more senile until there was nothing left but muddled words and a shell. It was painful, even more so because some day that would be him. He was already a shell of the cat he once was: stoic, aloof, not the bright-eyed warrior who'd chased after Waterclaw in the Horseback Hills. He knew he should probably stay in shape, but the way Silverwind saw it he couldn't stop his mind from atrophying. Why stop his body? In StarClan, his body would be new again. Why put off the inevitable? He wasn't going to rush for it like he did when he was but a feeble-minded warrior, but...why put it off? He'd be less of a drain on the freshkill pile after all...

x.so please remember not to waste another day.x
not to worry your mind; and please forgive me
x.for taking so long to get back on my feet.x

Word Count: 609
Song: "Angels on the Moon (Old Version)" by Thriving Ivory.

[Deleted]

Slaterain flicked his tail in annoyance as he made his way to the Elder’s den. He walked slowly and carefully, ears swivelling this way and that, taking notice of every little sound - more out of habit than any sense of danger. This was the Windclan camp. This was a Safe Place. He didn't have to worry about anything here. Well, almost anything.

“It was a stupid, mouse-brained idea.” He grumbled to himself. “I never should have gone through with it. Never should have even considered it. Of course it would go wrong. Of course it would. Starclan knows what I was even thinking when I came up with it.” Slaterain’s tail lashed angrily as he began to grow more and more agitated. He forced himself to stop and take a deep, calming breath when the tip of his tail caught his eye. In his ever growing fury, and self-ridicule, his fur had begun to bristle. He ignored the curious stares that may or may not have been directed at him (though he was quite sure they were) and began preen himself, licking at his chest and shoulders with calculated, methodical strokes. Satisfied that he had calmed himself down sufficiently (and ignoring the unfortunate furrows his anxious claws had left in the dirt) he continued on his journey to the Elder’s Den, albeit at a rather faster pace than before.

Loathe though he was to admit it, he had a Problem, and this Problem wasn’t one he could figure out on his own. He needed advice. And the best place to get advice, as every cat knew, was from the wisdom of the Elders. With a soft sigh and a last backward glance, he walked into the den.

[Shimmerz*]

x.and you know the pain that brought you here today.x,
so what can you do; and you know the tears
x.for losing those you love when yesterday is gone.x

Weary eyes drooped as a young tom approached him, hardly a warrior, he figured. The cat, slender as ever, was almost a mere image of him at that age, save for his paws and his green, green eyes. Why, he even carried himself the same--troubled and deep in thought. Initially the elderly tom was unsure how to react. Part of him was tempted to feign sleeping, but that would be rude. This cat was coming to seek advice, and what more could he do then give it? Indeed were he in the youthful feline's paws, he'd certainly want the same treatment.

Sighing to himself he began pawing nervously at the dirt in front of him, a nervous habit really, but he couldn't help it. He was sure there would be no kind of conflict with this young cat, and yet for some reason Silverwind just could not get comfortable. Now that he thought of it, all the other elders were currently away. Some had gone off to check in on a new litter of kits, while others yet were sitting around the meager freshkill pile gossiping about everything under the sun. The azure-eyed tom did little to socialize with them. There would be no point. The elders tended to be very cliquish. Some elders had known each other since apprenticehood, others since kithood. Others yet were mated pairs. Still others were just in the wrong generation, so old they thought themselves too high to speak to "less-experienced" cats such as himself or were just totally senile and were good for little more than an occasional comment. The younger elders were always quite persnickety. Some held that they were "too young" to be elders. They were bitter and rather loathsome. They thought they had no place here, not like the old pieces of "fox dung" around them. When they said this, the elderly elders snarled and chided them, telling them that with that attitude they were better off loners because they didn't need foolish youngins ruining their golden moons of life.

Simply put, the elders were rather ridiculous.

Silverwind was perfectly content just to live and let be. He didn't bother them, and they wouldn't bother him too much. It would have been nice to have elder friends, but he could bite. He'd never really had many friends anyway. The few he had had left him for naught. Relationships were little more than passing phases for him. Really, he didn't mind it. It was okay. It was sort of nice to be left to his own devices all day, just to sit in solitude and thought and mull over life's great mysteries.

The mysteries. Maybe that's what elders seem so wise to the younger clancats. They had time to think about that nonsense as everything else slowly degenerated around them. They didn't have their health and many had long since lost their memory, but to philosophize? That much was simple. To sit and think about the forest changing around you? It wasn't a difficult thing. It was really a given. Ask any elder and they'll tell you something "wise," something that they think matters more than all else. Whether it does or not doesn't matter much, it's an opinion after all, but young apprentices hear these things and think the aged cats to be the authority on wisdom. It's kind of nice to feel important to someone, to know they want something from you, if only advice. But at the cost of your youth? Your body? Your mind? Hardly worth it. Hardly at all.

x.so please remember not to waste another day.x
not to worry your mind; and please forgive me
x.for taking so long to get back on my feet.x

Word Count: 588
Song: "Angels on the Moon (Old Version)" by Thriving Ivory.

[Deleted]

Slaterain paused. He blinked a couple of times to let his eyes adjust to the dimmer lighting within the den. He took a deep breath and flicked his right ear in agitation. He was here. He could do this. All he had to do was take a few more steps and talk to... He sighed. No. On second thought, he could deal with this himself. Maybe.

"Forget it." Slaterain muttered under his breath. "I should just forget about it. Go back and look for prey to add to the fresh-kill pile. I can deal with it by myself. It'll be fine. I don't need help with it. I can just ignore it. It'll all go away." He continued grumbling to himself as he walked deeper into the den. "I just need to turn around and yaaaaa--!" Slaterain gave an undignified yowl as he tripped over something or someone.

[Shimmerz*]

x.and you know the pain that brought you here today.x
so what can you do; and you know the tears
x.for losing those you love when yesterday is gone.x

The tom blinked with irritation as the young tom made his way towards him, fussing all the while. The elder was about to mutter a hello, when the apprentice tripped over him and let out a bellowing yowl. Wincing, he turned to the young cat, his weary indigo eyes resting painfully on the face of the other warrior. Most cats would probably bicker at this point. And the other elders? That wasn't even a "probably." That was a guarantee. But Silverwind? He didn't see the point in yowling or hissing. No, it was a waste of breath; instead, he continued to gaze into the eyes of the less aged cat. He sensed fear for the most part, some irritation, but mostly fear. Stress, too. Anxiety was a problem with this one.

After a few moments for of staring into his soul, the older cat let out a long, deep sigh. Yes, this cat was a perfect reflection of him as a youth. No other way around it. "What troubles you, young one?" Before the other feline ever responded, he knew what would follow: a rambling response, nervous twitchy gaze, and the urge to sprint off and cover his nose. It was a foolish skittish response really, but he'd done it so many times himself, it would be no surprise. He wasn't sure when he'd abandoned this behavior, really. Maybe it was when he could no longer run, or maybe it was because he realized there was nowhere to run to. All he knew was that he wasn't that cat anymore. He simply couldn't be. Age and wisdom had robbed him of that, if you could call that robbery.

x.so please remember not to waste another day.x
not to worry your mind; and please forgive me
x.for taking so long to get back on my feet.x

Word Count: 277....what muse?
Song: "Angels on the Moon (Old Version)" by Thriving Ivory.

[Deleted]

Slaterain's ears were plastered to the side of his head as he struggled to get back to an upright position. How could he let something like this happen? Embarrassing didn't even begin to cover the feeling that was currently lodged somewhere deep in his throat.

"H-hello!" he squeaked out. N-no! No! this was going all wrong. All wrong. Nothing was going right for him today, nothing at all. Slaterain looked at the elder with wide eyes and hunched down in a vain attempt to make himself smaller and less of a threat (not that it made much of a difference, he would be the first to admit that he was barely a threat to anyone but himself). He cleared his throat and tried to ignore the fact that he was standing on his own tail.

"Starclan bless you in your old age!" Wait, where did that come from? Slaterain crouched down lower and bit down a hiss as his claws dug into his tail. "I-I'm sorry." He stammered. "I didn't mean, I just meant..." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to steady himself. He forced himself to sit up straight (though his eyes remained resolutely closed) and gathered up what was left of his admittedly scant courage.

"What do I have to do to be considered brave!" Slaterain blurted out, and immediately crouched back down, right shoulder pushed outward as if to ward off a blow, either physical or verbal.

welp.This is probably as long as my replies will ever be. I'm better at action than introspection and I just can't do purple prose.

[Shimmerz*]

x.and you know the pain that brought you here today.x
so what can you do; and you know the tears
x.for losing those you love when yesterday is gone.x

Bewildered by the other tom's babbling, the wiser cat blinked in shock. Bless you in your old age? Why was that any reason to bless a cat? If anything, not to be morbid but that was the time to hurry a cat to the great beyond. It really couldn't contribute to the clan anymore. It was just taking up space and freshkill. Not to be put off though, Silverwind muttered a thank you and was about to say something else when the younger sputtered out something about how to be brave. When Silverwind heard this request, it took him all of his being not to fall over in a fit of laughter. Him to instruct a cat how to be brave? He could hardly fit that role. Supremacypaw had told him of this weakness countless times. Diablo...Diablo had seen this first hand. Cats had been slaughtered around him, and he'd allowed himself to be so deeply scarred. Instead of saying all this though, he offered an indefinite, "Well..."

Part of him wished to stop there as he honestly had no clue what to advise, but his conscience pressed him forward. "To be brave..." he stared blankly at the dirt between his paws as he raked through his brain desperate for some applicable advice. "To be brave you need to appear confident." Yes, that was it: the simplest advice he could possibly have given, but the advice that could offer the greatest result.

x.so please remember not to waste another day.x
not to worry your mind; and please forgive me
x.for taking so long to get back on my feet.x

Word Count: 241, bleck.
Song: "Angels on the Moon (Old Version)" by Thriving Ivory.
Note: {Post length doesn't matter. Just do what comes natural}

[Deleted]

"To be brave is to appear confidant." Slaterain repeated to himself with a slow nod. "Appear confidant." He sat up in one slow, ponderous movement, freeing his tail in the process, as he turned the thought over in his mind. "Confident."

He knew what confidence was. He could see it in his mind's eye. It was lazy ears giving nearby sounds a dismissive flick. It was deliberate steps one after another at a calm pace. It was tail held high barely swishing through the air. So very different from himself when he was ears straining to hear everything that was and was not there, claws half sheathed and quick minced steps, and tail held close and always half bristled.

"I can do that." Slaterain said with a confidant nod to the elderly cat. He sat up straighter, thin chest puffing up with pride. "I can do it! I..." He flattened his ears against his head and hunched back down. "can't do it. I can't." He took a couple hasty steps backward. "I-I'm sorry for bothering you." he stammered. "I'll leave now."

[Shimmerz*]

x.and you know the pain that brought you here today.x
so what can you do; and you know the tears
x.for losing those you love when yesterday is gone.x

Silverwind withheld a chuckle at the cat's timidness. He understood now more than ever why the queens always giggled at his shyness. "You don't need to go-" The tom blinked at the realization he still had yet to learn this young cat's name. Usually he was fairly good at remembering names, but it was this newer generation that was always so difficult for him. In his day, it was Lunarflash, Soldierclaw, Waterclaw, Ficklestar, and well a lot of other cats that were dead now. Death used to phase him so much, but it was just another stage to get to was all. Every cat was born to die. Nothing more to it.

Shaking his head, the elder brought his attention back to the present. "You're not getting away that easy, young one. Now what is your name?" He certainly hoped this tom wouldn't take offense to the term "young one," but, as it was, Silverwind was about as old as a cat could get. His day to die would come anytime now. Everyone was young in comparison. But that was okay. StarClan would be nice. All the old cats, all the ones he'd heard so many stories about in one place. No traveling all over the place, and even better than that peace. He'd realized by now there would never be true unity in the forest, but in StarClan it would be different, he just knew it.

x.so please remember not to waste another day.x
not to worry your mind; and please forgive me
x.for taking so long to get back on my feet.x

Word Count: 236.
Song: "Angels on the Moon (Old Version)" by Thriving Ivory.
Note: {Post length doesn't matter. Just do what comes natural}

[Deleted]

Had Slaterain been a dog, he would have let out a high pitched, (not so) slightly distressed whine at this moment. As things stood, Slaterain was not a dog and thus did not give out a high pitched whine. Instead he crouched down lower, balancing all his weight on his back paws to get as much distance as he could between himself and the elder cat without actually taking another step backward. To say that he regretted this entire encounter would be an unfortunate understatement.

This was a disaster. All of it.

Given a chance, Slaterain would have yowled his distress and run out of the cave. Maybe even leave the clan. That sounded rather nice, actually. Leave the clan and live as a loner. Find his own place to settle down. Somewhere far away from strangers where he could create his own orderly routine day after day, hiding from nofurs and rogues and monsters, while making sure he didn't get sick or hurt because there were no medicine cats, but making sure he had shelter and food and water and on second thought, maybe this wasn't quite such a good idea.

Slaterain was pulled out of his revery with the elder cat's next words. You're not getting away that easy, young one. Now what is your name?

"S-Slaterain." He stammered with wide eyes, hoping it hadn't been too obvious his mind had wandered away from the topic at hand. "A-are you sure you don't want me to leave?" He babbled. "You're probably busy or something and I don't really want to disturb you. Any more than I already have, I mean. I did trip over you after all and, oh! I never apologized for that, did I? I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry about that. Uh, yeah. I..." He trailed off on seeing the expression on Silverwind's face. "I think I'm just going to stop talking now." Slaterain said faintly.

[Shimmerz*]

x.and you know the pain that brought you here today.x
so what can you do; and you know the tears
x.for losing those you love when yesterday is gone.x

The elder tom stifled a laugh at the other cat. A nervous wreck, but sort of endearing. "Quite the opposite, Slaterain. I'm an elder. We generally tend not to do much at all except talk." Sometimes a bit too much talking, the azure-eyed tom recalled, but it was what it was. "I suppose my next piece of advice is to own yourself. You are Slaterain, a member of WindClan. You belong here just as much the next cat. If you have something to say, say it. It's quite alright. Best not to say crude things around the nursery queens, but other than that--really, it's fine."

Standing, the tom walked to the front of the elder's den, letting his gaze sweep over his clan. When he'd been found aside the Thunderpath, he'd been so sure he'd never be accepted. He prattled on and on, much like this young one, yet still he was accepted. He had his bad days certainly, but every cat dealt with that. Every living creature, to his best knowledge at least, dealt with that. The former warrior was sometimes convinced that his old age endowed him with no more knowledge or wisdom then that of when he was a warrior. That was a logical fallacy though. He had something now that younger him didn't: experience. The ability to look outside of his current situation and relate to past events. Some day this younger cat would have that too.

x.so please remember not to waste another day.x
not to worry your mind; and please forgive me
x.for taking so long to get back on my feet.x

Word Count: 240.
Song: "Angels on the Moon (Old Version)" by Thriving Ivory.